I'm an unashamed Dave Berry fan. His off-the-wall humor is right down my alley. Here are of some of his "greatest hits," quote-wise, in my opinion:
"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."
"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them."
"The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television."
"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."
"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."